I Want More Memories, Not Followers
Wouldn’t it be great if we could remember everything we wanted from our past? Of course, we might not want to remember bad things, but I’d love to peek at old memories on demand. A few years ago, as I was walking around the South Lake Union lake in Seattle, my phone’s battery died, and I couldn’t continue listening to a podcast. So, minutes later, my mind was still racing due to all the overstimulation from the podcast, and to calm it down, I decided to try to remember as much as I could from when I was a kid. One of the first memories that came up was when I was about 10 years old. I was in fifth grade, and I remember vividly how after our lunch recess, as I was walking back to my classroom, I got sucker punched. The unexpected blow to my nose took me down on my knees, and my nose started to bleed heavily. Some students and teachers came to help me up, and then I walked to the bathroom to wash my face and try to stop the bleeding. We didn’t have a nurse or anything like that at this school, so just water and a piece of toilet paper were what were used to help my nose stop bleeding.
Subsequently, I went to my classroom, and until today, it is unclear to me why I was punched or who did it. I really don’t. However, I sense that this somehow affected me in some way, as this is one of the first memories that comes up when I think about my childhood.
As I continued walking around this beautiful lake, many more memories started to appear in my head; it was fascinating. I kept thinking and forcing myself to remember older memories, and I was able to get to one memory from when my mom took me to kindergarten for my first day of school. I didn’t want to go, and once they introduced me to the teacher and my classroom, I didn’t want to stay there. I cried; I remember clearly. However, I also remember that it was this day when I discovered modeling clay, and it made me so happy to play with it that I was more than happy to come back to school the next day. It was a good first day of school.
It is interesting how, if we focus, we can pull old memories from our minds without the help of anyone else or any substances—just a simple exercise of focusing and remembering. Since then, every time I think of my childhood memories, something new comes along. It isn’t always clear, but something comes up, a flash of a time that’s long gone—more than forty years ago, to be more specific. Like I said, it is fascinating.
The reason I am writing about this is that after my parents’ visit to Seattle a few weeks ago, just hanging out with them, talking to them, and seeing them in a different environment than their home and their city, many more memories from my childhood flashed in front of me. Now that my parents are older, it is a blessing to have the ability to ask them things from my childhood, about the time when they met, when they had their first jobs, their dating times, etc. I am sure they don’t get to talk about these things much anymore, so asking them about it helps them remember those things, and for me, their son, hearing about my parents’ stories of a time before I was born is something beautiful.
Although these memories are old, hearing about them gives them new life, and these are memories that will outlive both of my parents, as there are more people now that know about them; these are our memories now too.
I am afraid that our technological advances are facilitating forgetting about memories and moments like this. I am afraid that our dependency on digital systems and devices encourages our minds to not remember certain aspects of our lives. We have electronic calendars, voicemails, digital conversations (chats), but in many ways, fewer personal interactions, and I don’t know if our minds will adapt to these changes and memorize information we see in chats, in our phones, on a screen, more than the moments you memorize when interacting with your loved ones.
I also recognize that some of these feelings and nostalgia are probably the result of me aging, just like everyone else. It doesn’t matter how good you are with new technology and its advances. As we get older, we tend to appreciate less the things that kept us from interacting in person, and we are hungry for more in-person interactions.
Last weekend, my wife and I made a small trip to eastern Washington to visit some wineries. It was a longer drive than anticipated, so we ended up visiting only two places. The first place was beautiful; it had a great tasting room and a beautiful terrace overlooking the vineyards. We stayed there for a few hours. We used our phones to capture a couple of photos of the vineyard, the wine, and the beautiful charcuterie board. But one of the most enjoyable moments was to sit back, have a conversation, and see other people around us do the same. No phones or social media in sight, just conversation, laughs, and beautiful scenery.
The second winery was much smaller. It had a small tasting room but also a small patio with a couple of tables. The view wasn’t as beautiful as the first place we had just visited, but this was a place that I’ll remember for a long time. It started with a conversation about the wine with the person attending the wine tasting room, Jessica. She told us about the wine and shared some information about the place itself. But it wasn’t until I asked about the name of the wine and where it came from that we learned the details of the name, which is basically the story of this unique place. The name on the wine, “Dawn’s Bikini Barbera,” is honoring the owner’s partner, who helped build the place and who sadly passed away due to cancer.
After that, we went to the patio to drink more wine and enjoy the beautiful evening weather. A few minutes later, Joel, the owner, came outside, grabbed a chair at our table, and sat down. He asked us what our thoughts were about the wine, and within minutes we were all engaged in a great conversation about the story of the place, then about life and taking risks, then about ourselves, our jobs, etc. We had a great conversation, and although the wine and the vineyards were enjoyable, the best part of this trip was the conversations with people we didn’t know before that day. It felt good, and something that you just can’t get from a conversation via an electronic method.
I don’t remember the last argument or conversation I had on a social media site. However, I remember this special moment last weekend, and I am sure I will for many years to come. I want more memories, not followers, and I hope we all feel the same way and wake up to the reality that although social media and technology are great aids in our modern lives, they shouldn’t be our life. Human interaction is. Enjoying things in the real world is.
