You have less time than you think

Life is short—we all know this. Last December, I wrote about making time slow down. The idea behind it was to share how I “slow time” to enjoy the things that matter most to me. Essentially, making time last as long as possible to savor moments with my family and spend time on other tasks I enjoy.

Although I didn’t understand this when I was younger, I quickly realized how time is like water flowing through your fingers. You can feel it, you can try to hold it, but it always flows, and in a matter of moments, it’s gone.

Having kids showed me the reality of time. For example, if you have young kids, you’ve probably heard people say to enjoy them as much as possible because they’ll grow quickly. I heard that many times as a young parent. It didn’t take long to realize you only get a handful of magical moments with your children while they’re young. Most babies start to walk around 12 months, which means you get about 52 weekends with your baby before that milestone. If you celebrate Christmas, you’ll only get to see your kids experience its magic about eight times, assuming they find it magical from ages two to nine—maybe ten if you’re lucky. I don’t know about you, but that’s not enough for me. Even though my wife and I got to experience those years with each of our children, I honestly wish it could have been more.

Can we agree, then, that we have less time than we think? And does it make a difference to know this?

It does for me. I’m not morbidly thinking about death all the time, but I am very much aware of my mortality and that of my loved ones. This awareness helps me identify the things that, since life is short, I should eliminate if possible.

If you find yourself feeling sad because of this, remember: this awareness isn’t meant to make us feel bad or regretful. It’s meant to help us be conscious and do the most we can with the time we have.

“It is not impermanence that makes us suffer. What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent when they are not.”

This quote is from Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist Zen Master whose writings I really enjoy. If you feel uneasy thinking about death, I recommend his book No Death, No Fear. He often says death is not the end but a transformation, like a cloud becoming rain.

Thinking about this helps me recognize what’s meaningless in my daily life. If I consider something to be bullshit, then it becomes something I want to eliminate or reduce at least. Life is too short to waste on nonsense. (That could be the title of one of those fake self-help books.)

Think about what you spend your time on that qualifies as bullshit. I have my list, and I’m sure you do too: traffic jams, busywork, bureaucracy, posturing, unnecessary meetings, unnecessary work, other people’s mistakes, and one of the worst—addictive pastimes that aren’t rewarding or beneficial.

Some bullshit is unavoidable, and some of it sneaks into our lives because we let it. We all tolerate a certain level of it... for a paycheck, to pay rent, to buy groceries. Making money often means exchanging out time for income, and according to the laws of economics, the more difficult and frustrating a job is, the more you’ll get paid. The opposite is also true. The more rewarding a job is, the more people are willing to do it for less.

Many people choose this route, picking more fulfilling work in exchange for less money, and then move to places where life feels more authentic, even if opportunities are fewer. My wife and I often watch YouTube videos from families and couples living this way. It’s always something that draws us in. As more people pursue rewarding work and avoid unnecessary stress, this kind of life may become more common. It’s the opposite of the so-called “American Dream,” where you work endlessly to afford a big house and accumulate large amounts of stress like traffic jams and pointless meetings.

This is the type of bullshit we tolerate to make money. While it may seem impossible to avoid, we can still make changes to reclaim some of our time and use it on what truly matters.

The second type of bullshit, the kind that sneaks in, is entirely our own doing. We choose it, and we can stop it. But it’s not easy. These activities are addictive by nature. Do I need to remind you what they are? Mindless scrolling on social media, arguing online with strangers, binge-watching TV shows, and so on.

The best way to eliminate bullshit is to do more of what matters to you. Most people don’t realize what matters to them until adulthood, while others are lucky and know early on. Some people have always loved caring for animals, writing, or drawing, and continue to do that as adults. Others, like me, discover it later. I found out in my mid-thirties that I enjoyed writing and later photography. Since then, I’ve increased the time I spend on those pursuits. My goal is to one day spend most of my time traveling with my wife, taking photos, and writing about it. When I reach that point, there will be very little bullshit in my life.

This is harder for young people, who live in a world of appearances and posturing. My youngest is about to graduate from high school, but I remember how, since middle school, kids worried too much about what others thought. Ask most older adults, and they’ll tell you that caring too much about other people’s opinions was a waste of time. That worry limits our ability to focus on what really matters.

This is how we waste precious time in our lives, especially when we’re young. The things that matter to us aren’t always considered important or productive for other people, and that's okay. Spending a weekday drinking coffee, writing, watching a movie, and going for long walks while taking photos, this is important to me. It matters. And I’ll never see it as a waste of time.

Actively seeking what matters to you, what won’t feel like a waste now or later, is one of the best ways to eliminate bullshit and spend time meaningfully.

No matter what we do, life’s shortness will still catch us off guard. We take things for granted until one day, they’re gone.

We all have things we want to do: record music, write that book, run a marathon, travel the world. Then one day, we realize the window has closed. It happens to most of us.

One of the most painful examples is when a window closes because someone you love dies. My parents are still alive, and for years I’ve been thinking about taking them to Europe—a place they’ve never been. I’ve gone many times with my wife and kids, but for some reason, my parents never did. That window is closing quickly. They’re older now, and although still relatively healthy, a trip like that wouldn’t be easy now, but I know it will be impossible later. I need to take my own advice. I need to stop thinking about the reasons not to go and just do it before it’s too late.

Windows of time closing because of aging or death are the most painful. I can never get back the time I didn’t spend with my kids when they were little. I can’t undo the nights I didn’t go to bed early with my wife because I was working late on something “important.”

So how do we fight this? What can we do?

One solution is to develop a habit of impatience for doing the things that matter. Don’t wait to write that book or visit your parents. Don’t wait.

Push for small changes in your daily life that move you closer to what matters. Sometimes, the time we have now is all we’ll ever have. Savor it. If you’re like me, it’s okay to feel regret for what you didn’t do, but don’t let that stop you from enjoying what you still can.

We can slow time a bit. I mentioned a few ways to do that here. If you have a family or a partner, their presence can help. Look at them. Really look. Listen. Hug them, talk to them, and please, put your phone away when you’re with them. Nothing is more important than the person in front of you. Show them that.

Let’s be proactive in eliminating the bullshit. Let’s not wait to do the things that matter. Let’s enjoy the time we have. We have less time than we think, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy every day we get.

Have a great week!